so this is how it makes me feel……. down as can be, but happy on the inside….  i dont like it! i can taste it everytime i imagen it. when i think of it, it makes my body shevers and i get goose bumps… itS my drug its like i need it in the morning when i first wake up, in the afternoon ,at night and all the time in between that.. when i dont get it, it makes me breathe hard. i take a deep breath in and let it all out.. and i still want it.. people say its bad for my health.. its a waste of money.. but for some odd reason i dont care!! the only reason im leting you go is cuz u and i was not met to be… u alone  made me break promise after promise to everyone.. but this one here is for you! one of the hardest thing i had to do in life so far.. i dont know why i want you so bad?! youre both in my mind just as much..you told me to throw it away but my mind tells me not to! it help me when im under lots of stress, when no one is there for me, when i need time by my self.. i dont know what to say about it any more, then its been a good 4 to 5 years but im done with u!!! fuck what u are!! fuck what u made me become!! people say the best way is to ignore it, and act like u hate every thing about it!! the first 3 days is the worst! but in the end this is for the people who told me i could do better!! one main motivation is HER!! there is something with her that tells me to go after her, but then another side that says she to good for you.. but ill try any ways..